drownuntilyoucare ♥

It feels like life is just simple
I've been making is so complicated all these years
I mean I'm coming down from drunk right now
Yes its 8:30pm on a Friday
I've been drunk since 4:45 haha
Long hur don't cur =]
But I started making this yesterday
Life is easy
You just have to enjoy the moments that are there
And live them
Probably going to a hookah bar right now
Don't curr
I miss Jess though
He's the first one I went to a hookah bar with
And smoked one with there with
I really miss that little violent psycho sluut
Sad panda
But he knows it
I wrote him back last Sunday
I should be getting a letter back soon

I am trying to remain calm even though my grades are messed up
Besides that everything is fine
...when I get my wallet back
I know that M has it for a fact
Him and R and just being slow about it and it's making me nervous
I shouldn't be, but I just am, you know?
Except for the fact that I'm pretty much out of money too
I need to go deposit my $100 back into the bank like now!

Right now I'm not
After yesterday, a whirlwind of emotions, I'm drained
Today isn't starting much better
I'm tired, I don't feel good
Jerry gave us an extra checkoff
 
These are the times where I could use somebody
Times like these where I need to be held
And now I have someone to do that
It's just whether or not he has time to take a break for me
I hope he does
I hope he'll go out on a date with me on Wednesday
I hope I can pull myself together and do good on these finals
I can't afford anything otherwise
I just need to refocus everything
I need to take a drive
Dad's coming tomorrow
Gotta tell him about Yukashi-kun today as not to blindside him
But I'm just so scrambled that I can't get a handle on what I need to do
Everything's so daunting
And I know that means that I need to pray
It is the time of kitai, of hope
I need to put my faith in God so I can dare to hope

It's only been a week since I've met this amazing guy
He's really awesome and I couldn't have ever guessed that he would like me back
I lost Airisshu-kun after 48 hours
I lost Shiawase-kun after a week
But it's past that time now and everything is good
Sure, sometimes we get on each others nerves
But I wouldn't really have it any other way
We always find a way to get back to happy
WITHOUT FIGHTING
And it's not all the time
I've been moody
And so has he
But we're both entitled to be a little human every now and again
He sends me on a rollercoaster of emotions anyways
What's the difference between us being in the cupcake phase and having a dose of reality?
It's all at once
Today was the first day where I wasn't with him for most of it
I was exhausted by 5 because we stayed up late (again)
But you know what, after we texted I was alright
I just have this anxiety he'll get tired of me
I know he feels the same way
We sort of talked about it already
But you know, we make each other step out of our comfort zones
And that's good
Not too much, but a healthy amount
I'm really happy he's in my life
I went to a dance without him, 2 days after I met him and didn't dance with anyone
That says it all in itself
I'm kind of sort of completely committed to this
Through and through
 
So babe, if you're reading this, I hope you like it
I hope that you don't mind I used my Japanese "cartoons" to depict us
It's just that much ingrained in my soul
When you get around to reading my paper, you'll see
I can't wait until next year with you
I know it's gonna be amazing

"Gotta let it happen"
 
Don't want anything to go wrong
I've learned from my mistakes and others'
I'm not going to rush it
I'm not going to let it run away
I will try my best to not overanalyze
I'm going to have fun and balance

"And still I rise"
-------------------------
I know I'm not perfect
This new outlook on life won't make me that way
But it sure makes things a heck of a lot easier
I really like it
Now I just have to use it to somehow focus on school work...
Le sigh...

And now I'm happy
I'm lighter, it's like I'm free
Sure, things still come my way
But I'm doing alright
There's no extra weight
I feel like God is always right by my side now
This is a feeling I never want to forget
And I won't, once I have a permanent reminder of it
I'm still adjusting to this sense of inner calm
It's now so easy to brush things off
Doesn't mean I don't still get mad at stuff
That's just me
But I can let it go
I can breathe so easily
God is good.

-- Last Hope, Paramore
 
----------------------------
Just because I had an epiphany doesn't mean I'm a saint now
I know I'm still gonna make mistakes
But me not getting down about them is the difference
I feel like I already have the tattoo to be honest
It's constantly reminding me that I always have a choice
I made a bad choice
That's life
I love this freedom so much
I feel so much lighter, so much free-er

This will be in my signature on the PFC website now <3